The Lion Whisperers

I knew the Zambian trip would soon turn into an adventure from the moment I woke up that morning. Deja and I ran after our bus at 5:30am as it began to trudge down the road. Our bags slapping the sides of our bodies hoping to make it in time. Once we got there the Manzini bus rank was as welcoming as ever. Fellow passengers swearing at us and bus conductors trying to cheat us out of money. :) We finally arrived in the city of Jo’burg and where hospitality is still a work in progress. As we walked all over the surrounding streets of the bus rank to purchase bus tickets for Zambia the next morning, we met all kinds of characters. Whether it was taxi drivers charging us 70 rhand to go 4-5 blocks or community police wanting a soda for showing us where the buses were, the jo‘burg hospitality was undeniable. haha We arrived at the Zambia bus station only to find our luck had changed. The Zambians were a breath of fresh air. They helped us with our tickets, drove us back to the place to meet the driver from the hostile for free, and gave us contact information for their friends in Zambia who would show us around when we got there.

We sat on a two decker bus on the top level front row surrounded by windows to see the landscape the whole way there. It was awesome. We made friends with the Zambians behind us who told us about Zimbabwe and the problems they are facing. The South Africa/Zimbabwe border post was sad for me. We saw people taking in food and products from South Africa because Zimbabwe really has nothing to offer right now. Families crammed in the back of pickups with supplies piled high waiting to get through customs. Unfortuantly we passed through at night so there was little to see, but I had a heavy heart as we drove through that whole night thinking of the problems they are facing right now.

24 hours later we were there! Complete with sleep in an erect position and junk food cousine. That long of a bus ride may not seem fun to some, but there are perks to bus travel that you would not get on a plane. You really get to know the people. It’s an international bonding moment. I’ve never been on a plane that would pull over in the middle of the night to pop a squat on the Zimbawean pavement as the crescent moon sparkles above. Imagine the comradity of Zambian, South African, and American women together urinated behind the trailer brake lights at 2 am. Those are special moments. Those moments, my friend, are what Hallmark cards are made out of. We reached the Zambia/Zimbabwe border post the next morning! An elephant greeted us at the front gate and monkey (big ones with the gross butts) were everywhere. We knew we were in tourist land as we spotted shorts, white thighs, and fanny packs. We had to walk from Zimbabwe to the other side of the river. When you walk over the bridge to reach Zambia, you see Victoria Falls. It was the best wake up call ever. The sun was rising and the mist from the falls was spraying our faces. It was carzy cool.

We arrived at Jollyboys which was the best hostile ever. It had a pool (clean and had fountains), a huge sitting area full of people, a TV that repeatedly showed a video of Elijah Wood and Jack Osbourne doing all the activities Livestone area had to offer. They have a sweet relationship. Although the video was on silent, I would mouth the exact words they said. For example, Elijah when he saw Victoria Falls, “Wow. That’s amazing.” Brittany developed a celebrity crush on Mr. Wood and we wasted many minutes debating if Jack Osbourne should have a fan base. I think, yes.

We arrived early enough Thursday morning to have the whole day ahead of us. We grabbed a shuttle to the falls and ran through the bridge in our assorted colored ponchos. It was wonderful. Drenched head to toe, I haven’t felt that clean since the old days when I would shower once a day.

The next day we had the Lion Encounter. Basically you get a crash course on what NOT to do to a lion; like sneak up in front of it or make cat mating noises. But you aren’t taught the anatomy of a lion to determine if it’s a boy or girl…in my defense. Some may say the large size and long furry mane might give it away, but I’ve seen plenty of large women with facial hair. Looks can be deceiving, so when I asked the the guy holding the tranqulizer gun if the huge lion with a thick mane that I’m stroking is a girl or boy, I don’t think it’s a bad question. To some, not naming anyone specifically (Melissa, Deja, and Brittany), that would seem like a an bad question. When it comes to gender, I don’t assume. Just because a Swazi child has no hair and is wearing a blue G.I Joe shirt with pants, do we assume it is a boy? If I’ve learned anything here, the answer is no. So this rule is carried over to every species for me. We were initially introduced to our first batch of lions while they fought over a piece of meat. A guy with a stick grabbed one by the tail and pulled it away from the other. Then they said,”Alright, let’s go.” And forced the lions out of the feeding cage to walk with us. We each had a walking stick which was supposed to comfort us perhaps knowing we had a thin branch to keep us from being attacked. To me it looked like the toothpick the lions would use after devouring one of my appendages.

Saturday came fast and so did my anxiety. Melissa, our fearless skydriver, wanted to do some extreme thing while we were there. We all wanted to raft, but high water levels prevented us from doing so. Her next idea was falling off of something…a cliff, bridge, gorge, whatever would give a rush. She is crazy, but I somehow I ended up agreeing to go double on a Gorge Swing. What is the Gorge Swing? If you follow the gorge from the Victoria Falls down passed the 6th rapid or so, you will look up to find high above a wire from one side of the cliff to the next. In the middle of this long wire, center gorge, you will find another rope dangling down giving an appearance of a T shape. At the bottom of the T the end of the rope is then attached to a human being standing on the edge of the cliff. Last Saturday, that human being was me. Attached to my dear friend, Melissa. As they tied us to the rope and hog-tied our feet together, scenes from my childhood and future flashed through my mind. Is this the end for me? Is this how it happens? I back shuffled to the edge of the cliff with my comrade beside me. Shaking we both flipped backwards off the edge down into the gorge unsure if we just made a bad choice. After free falling down towards the trees and dried up river belong, our rope pulled and we began Tarzan-ing our behinds over the tree tops towards the other side of the gorge. It was amazing! If we could do it again, I might even open my eyes. And bring a clean pair of shorts.

Next in line was a trip to Zimbabwe. Melissa, Brittany, and I traveled across the border again to sneak a peak at the other side of the falls. This side was just as cool. No bridge, but you basically stand on the other side of the gorge facing the huge waterfall. The water falls so hard that once it hit’s the river below, it bounces back up to the edge of the cliff we were standing on. You also walk through rainbow after rainbow. It was beautiful and the water was warm. Later that night we left for the Zambian side of the falls. A lunar rainbow could be seen because it was a full moon. The moon gave enough light to reflect rainbows in the dark. Melissa and I ran through a bridge which was scarey and exhilarating all at the same time! Then we ran across the bridge again. The current changed the water so it was out of control and splashing over the bridge. A rainbow curved right over the bridge so we slid under it and used the moonlight to see where we were going. It was crazy!

Sunday morning Brittany and I woke up to go to Botswana. Brit and I spent the morning on land seeing all kinds of animals and had breakfast. Then in the afternoon the four of us from the hostile boarded a pontoon boat and went down the Thebe river bordering Namibia and Botswana. We saw alligators, Rhinos, Elephants, and more and just relaxed. We had lunch on the boat and sat chairs basking in the sun. It was a great way to end the trip.

We boarded the bus that night. Brit and I were separated. Before we got on I said, “Watch, I’ll probably sit next to a very large woman who breaths heavy and takes up my seat while sleeping on me…” Well, the stars aligned that night because her name was Lindy from Pretoria and her description matched my nightmare. I sat for 20 hours on the corner of my seat because Lindy slept on my half as well. She was sweet though and shared her snacks.

The trip overall was a success. We saw everything. The only thing is apparently gold gladiator sandles aren’t considered a hiking shoe. I wish someone would have told me that.