Phelps!

Hi everyone! I am in town for a little bit, so I thought I should check the internet quick. I had quite the experience getting to town. The bus was crowded like usual and stood next to an old Mkhulu (grandpa). Fact, Mkhulu can not control the volume of his voice and must yell in order to communicate. Despite the bus smelling like B.O. and what I can best describe as a "cornnuts" aroma, the bus ride went well. :) I am spending the night at another volunteer's homestead tonight. We are goung to a HIV/AIDS support group tomorrow together. She is actually from Nebraska. A little bit of the midwest here in the Swaz. I am going to do some shopping first today though. I am going to PEP (a grocery store chain in Swaziland) where I made friends with the workers. Whenever I come in they all stop working and talk to me. It feels like a Cheer's episode eveytime I see them. I just somewhere where everyone knows my name...and always glad I came. The people waiting in line for my cashier friend to get back to work (so they can make their purchases) aren't always as welcoming. :) Slowly, I'm determined to win them over.

I decided to work at the clinic on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. It is a busy place, but until my SiSwati is good enough to understand what they need help with I can't do a whole lot. They'd be coming in with heartburn and I'd try to give them an enema. That is miscommunication that I don't want to be responsible for. I've been talking to this guy my age though that goes to my church. He is the youth pastor their. His name in Hlahla (which means Lucky). He said I could help him start a youth club he's wanted to do to promote HIV/AIDS awareness. So I have another thing to seperate my days! Thanks Hlahla! Isn't that "lucky" of me....pun intended! (That was for all of those who miss my lame jokes. haha) The days sometimes do slur together and I am trying to keep myself busy. I try to leave my homestead once a day for sanity reasons. I thankful though because there are good people in my community who seem motivated to make changes. I need to remind myself that I don't need to make big changes here. Sometimes I feel like the people here expect so much from me. My friend Melissa her community thinks she is bringing water. They've been in drought for 8 years and suddenly this 25 yr. old American is suddenly going to change weather conditions and pull a watering hole out of her backpack. haha. It's tough because you want to give hope to the people and help them find alternative ways to get water or solve certain community issues, but you also have to remember that you are one person. Like many, I don't like disappointing people, so its hard for me to make boundries and know what I can do and what I need to leave alone. I've been reading a book called Irresistable Revolution (thanks Emily) and its helped me a lot. I'm going to take this one day at a time. :) I'm excited to help, but I'm also excited what I am learning about people and myself everyday. Whether I'm isolated in my hut or in a crowded clinic waiting room, I'm trying to appreciate these new experiences. I'm learning to share everything I have. Even things I don't have. Sharing when it's taken for granted or not appreciated is something I'm trying to understand. I'm slowly, very slowly, learning not to care so much. Sometimes I have to stop in situations and say,"Jaci...get ahold of youself. Who really cares?" I was so fixated on what people in my community were thinking and saying about me (right in front of me...and laughing while I stood there grinning like an idiot) that I started to lose confidence. I started thinking, "they don't want me here" or "I'm such an inconvenience right now because they have to try speak English and my SiSwati isn't good enough" or "they think I'm a hermet because I'm in my room all the time" or even, "Gogo thinks I'm lazy because I haven't fetched water today." For real, when you have a lot of free time, you think these things. Half the time they are talking about the weather or someone had a wedding, but because you are constantly the center of attention in the community you think everything people say is about you. Sure sometimes they probably are talking about me and maybe commenting on the fact that my fly is open...but is it really that big of a deal? Mother Teresa said, "We are called not to be successful, but to be faithful. We (as humans) can not do great things, just small things with great love. Its not how much you do, but how much love you put into it." I'm learning that I don't need to see the results of who I am affecting here and I don't have to compare what I am doing to what other volunteers are doing. I don't need to be scared of SiSwati. I need to remind myself that I'm only asked to do the best I can. I'm a volunteer. I don't have to be here, but I want to be. Because I know God is working here and I have hope that he will use me because I will show him I am faithful. :)

I got a package from Kates, Teen Bean, and Court the other day. It was wonderful! Thank you very much! I think about everyone at home all the time. I have pictures of you as wallpaper in my room. My family thinks Braden Bradfield and I are married. They are convinced that I have a secret lover in the states. I have no idea why and because their is a picture of the two of us on my wall, well, that translates as a marraige. :) I miss home. Sometimes I wonder how things would be if I didn't come here. I like to think I would be listening to updated music (I wouldn't be sad if I didn't hear Jordon Sparks/Chris Brown "No Air" song ever again from this experience), playing pac man with Sieff and friends, wearing a hand made American Flag Shirt while chanting "Phelps! Phelps! Phelps!" with Tina and Kate with the Olympic channel in the background, and lets face it...probaly wearing a costume. Whether it would be a pregnant lady suit or my Jarrod from Subway costume, lets just take a moment and pretend that I am there. :) Give me a call or write if you want! I would love to hear what's happening at home.

Also, thanks to all of you who were praying for my family this past weekend with my Grandma Schaap's funeral. I know my family appreciated it.